Thursday, May 15, 2008

He woke up and found that his dream of love was gone







Just before waking this morning, I had a dream that I was in love.

In the dream I was kissing and intimately cuddling with my beloved, but it was not a sexual dream. He came from behind me when I was in a kitchen and embraced me and I turned only my head to kiss the face that he had pressed to my neck.

I don't know exactly who he was, but I can vaguely remember that dream face. I felt loved and I felt, somehow, protected.

There are feelings I miss terribly, and I miss just the act of sleeping in the same bed with someone.

"You have a good heart," a former boyfriend said in trying to console me many years ago as he was breaking up with me -- and as he was breaking that "good heart." That was at the beginning of what ended up being many years of debilitating and destructive depression.

I still miss him and the others.

8 comments:

LadrĂ³n de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

I have that dream some mornings. Much as I cherish solitude and not being around some people, I've lately been embracing even knowing I have the capacity for the other. At least you have enough good memories to cherish them and know you want something again.

Huntington said...

Yeah, better to have loved and lost and all that...

Not very comforting, I know, but absolutely true.

Auntie Nosey said...

I don't get it. You are intelligent, aware and nice looking. So what is the problem? Why are you not dating? Get out there and get a man! You deserve one.

Salty Miss Jill said...

Oh, sweetie. How our subconcious does fuck with us. If I lived any closer, I'd bring you a bunch of lilacs and whip up some sweetbreads.
Being alone and lonely is the worst. Being lonely when you're with someone is even worse than that.
I hope things look up for you, darling man.

joe said...

Thanks, everybody. The truth is, I'm not depressed -- it was just a depressing dream in that it was suffused with emotional nostalgia. It's only depressing if I really dwell on the feeling.

TigerYogiji said...

((HUGS)) :(

Stash said...

We missed you this past weekend.

Hope you can come here for next year's meetup.

*hugz*

Jeff said...

I like how they tell you that you have a good heart...right before they rip it out with a claw hammer...