Friday, July 25, 2008

I will miss you, my friend



















Sally, I will miss you even though I don’t feel you are really gone.

I don’t know what to write; it’s still a shock to think that we’ll never laugh again together. I’ll never hear that cackle that gets me every time.

We were young together. We laughed. We studied. We partied. We fought. We got on each other’s nerves. We took nightclubbing road trips. We ogled UCSB boys. We ate burritos. We cooked Thanksgiving dinner. We explored nude beaches for the very first time. We shopped for used records in Hollywood. Oh l’amour -- broke my heart and now I’m aching for you! We both met serious boyfriends in Summer 1993.

We grew old(er) together… though far apart. I envied you and your husband. But I felt lucky to spend time with you both and know you were my friends.

You told me how much The Living End affected you. You always said, “You only live once, so why not!” You loved me unconditionally -- and for once, from someone, I felt it and believed it. You allowed me to be a crazy queen when around so many others I was and am Mr. Stick-Up-My-Ass. You got me to dance in public in ways I never danced before or since: Don’t Go Wasting Your Testosterone, Spray All Your Love On Me!

Our visits grew infrequent, but whenever I saw you, it was always as if we were roommates in Isla Vista again. We spoke a secret language sometimes, you and I.

Last year I finally told you I was “sick” and I worried that our time together would run out too soon, and it did, only not in the way I imagined and feared.

We talked a few times about me job hunting up there so we could regularly be in each other’s lives again, but I never did. Life happens.

I want to sit on your deck. I want to smoke pot and drink too much wine and I want to be silly in a way I rarely am these days. I want to go down to the Resort and watch the men and have you bring me a mudslide even though I don’t need one.

I want to go driving with you up the highway to the coast in your spectacular yellow car with the top down, because we never did that and I feel cheated, dammit.

I want to stop talking about when you’re going to finally come visit me because it’s been years and we really should take the time and it would be like the old days and you need to get away and I need to show you my new place and we need to relax and be friends again…

Only
We
Can’t

And I will miss you forever, but I know you’re listening, and I’ll try to dream of you so that I can say goodbye, because I really believe that we can talk to each other in dreams. You said you dreamed of me only three nights ago: Monday night, the night before you wrote your email to me. And I hope it was a good dream. I know it was. All my dreams of you will be good.

I promise.

Sally, I will miss you. For now.

xoxo - Judy

9 comments:

Christopher said...

Wow, this was really special. Thanks for writing it.

Papagayo said...

i'm sorry, joe

Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Thar ya go, makin' be cry me bloomin' eyes out. All, the same, you got me on this one, and there ain't much I can say. Tho, Judy? Judy? Okay.

Sweet, sad. I laughed, I cried, it was better than the "Drowsy Chaperone".

Jeff said...

Bless you.

TigerYogiji said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Hon. ((HUGS)) :(

T$ said...

sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

be well - xT

ewe said...

we are perfect with all our vulnerabilities. Sadness, loss and acceptance are some of the experiences that make us more human. Maybe we all leave for a better place. I hope so.

BigAssBelle said...

what a lovely, lovely tribute to your friend. such a loss. i'm so sorry, joe.

Jeff said...

Third time reading this and finally able to comment.

Beautifully written piece.

If we knew how things would end up, it would be too overwhelming to even start.

I'm sorry about your loss. May his memory be a comfort to you.